Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
