i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
