my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
