Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
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Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
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She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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