I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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