Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
