If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize