So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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