the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
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