My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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