Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
