I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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