FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
