Pappa wants mamma naked
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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