we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Vodka?
Forever.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
