I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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