just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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