we have officially lost it.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
