The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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