So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
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I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
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Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?