I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.