Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
a search helicopter?!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.