Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.