i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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