i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
