I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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