Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type