I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
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I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
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my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad