I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
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we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
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Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?