A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
