he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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