the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
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Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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