i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sobbing to NWA
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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