I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
