i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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