dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
