So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
