I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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