a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
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My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
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I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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