In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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