he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
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He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
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A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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