i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize