shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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