I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
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Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
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My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
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