I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
that is very illegal...i love you.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
