i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
