You can't special order awesome
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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