loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
