These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
