i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
