If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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