A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
