So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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