Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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