My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
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You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
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Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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