I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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